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Feed Fan Reveals:"MAX KNOBNY LEADING -secret- DOUBLE LIFE!!"

By Mark Tintle

LANHAM MD— Listeners to "The Daily Feed" are all too familiar with the myriad worldwide and interstellar adventures of Max Knobny; and, his perennial assistance and aggravation of "Ace" 'Feed editor, Frank Benlin.

"You'd think his plate would be full enough with all he's SUPPOSED to be doing HERE," undisclosed sources quote Benlin as saying.

This reporter has, however, accidentally discovered that, in addition to his copious responsibilities and demanding schedule at "The Daily Feed", Max Knobny may also be pursuing a highly lucrative career as a professional medical assistant.

Does this constitute any "conflict of interest" pursuant to his contractual agreement with "The Daily Feed"? Does it compromise Max's solemn oath to provide his "totally unslanted opinion"?

I must leave this conundrum for you, the "'Feeding" public to ultimately decipher...

Voice Talent Allow me to introduce myself. I am what you would call a "Zufällige" (German: Loosely meaning, "When-EVER") Voice-talent, Audio Archivist, Mail-Room Guy, and Coffee Bean Counter, for Dryden-Clarke Audio Programmes, Inc.; producers and distributors of "The Daily Feed" - the ONLY worldwide source for opinions truly TOTALLY unslanted.

It has been my honor to serve D.C. Audio ever since 1985; yet, in all that time, I have never been scheduled to work at a time when Max Knobny was ACTUALLY IN the studios. (But-hey- it's a busy place- the frantic editors rush in and out, like "straight line winds" of the jet stream dipping down to the surface- 135 mph one way, then, seconds later, moving at equal or greater velocity in the opposite direction. I've never seen Frank, either, and only passed Peter Markham in the control room about three times in all these years.)

The mystery of Max's possible double life began to unravel when, last fall, I fell. After months of medications and therapy, it was determined that surgery was necessary. My "super" neurosurgeon, Joel L. Falik,M.D.FACS; scheduled the operation for the following week at Doctors Community Hospital in Lanham, Maryland,(a suburb of Washington, D.C.) In the interim, I was to have a battery of tests, X-rays, and a physical. All of those "pre-op" requirements sounded routine, but what he said next really threw me. "You're going to have to go to school and take a class," Dr. Falik informed me.

"Take a CLASS?" I grumbled, "How LONG is this CLASS?"

"Oh, about 2 or 3 hours," he replied, "I highly recommend that all of my patients take this class. It's very important. They'll teach you how to be a good patient - before and after surgery."

"But- don't I just sort of, well, lie there and get operated on?" I reasoned, dreading the thought of a long lecture on... whatever.

"Just take the class," he responded reassuringly, "it's very valuable, and, you'll cover a lot of things you'll need to know to help make this operation a success - things you possibly haven't considered yet - it's a very good source for what you'll need to become what I need - an EDUCATED patient. YOU take the class - THEN, I'll operate."

The following week, with all other prerequisites met, I hobbled painfully towards "The Joint & Spine Care Center of Maryland" at Doctors Hospital. Accompanied by my wife (and also caregiver) Theresa ("Terry"), we entered the waiting room; and, were met by office coordinator Audrey Wren; and, the instructor, Orthopedic Specialist Edna Nicholson, RN. (The "Dynamic Duo" of the J&S Center). We were directed to the class- room, where we met several other surgical "candidates" with joint & spinal injuries. As we awaited the arrival of other students, Nurse Nicholson, ("Just call me 'Edna'"), presented each of us with no less than six different text booklets; covering topics including: Patient's Rights, Pain Management, Receiving Anesthesia and Transfusions, Post -Operative Behavior, Exercise, and even one entitled;"Sex after Back Surgery..." [See Surgery, A14]